Here is the AMAZING and inspiring video created by Doze Videos. It really captures the
spirit of what this shoot was about.... celebrating the beauty that lies in all of us!!!
*** Picture Credit goes to Taylor Jay Photography for any pictures with me in them. :) *** From Kelsey Bailey Photography: Being a part of this shoot was so amazing. I went into it thinking I was going to help make a difference in the world but I left feeling as though it had made more of a difference in me!! MY PARTNER!!! When Alexa texted me and asked me if I wanted to be a part of the shoot, I was so excited! I couldn’t say yes fast enough!!! I had looked up to her for years as a mentor and was so honored to be able to work as a partner with her on such a special project. At first, I viewed it as her project that I was helping with, but she quickly corrected my thinking. This was a partnership. This was OUR project. It was such an amazing experience to collaborate with her and I was honored to be her partner. We didn’t always agree on everything, but everything was done with so much love and respect for one another. When we didn’t agree, we worked so well together as we talked it through and prayed about it. And eventually we made a decision together. We were so united in our purpose.... it was just amazing. I’ve never had a partner like her before! She was so kind, supportive, understanding and encouraging. She was such a joy to work with! Working with her helped me increase in my confidence, skill, and love for the craft. I just love her so much! I seriously can’t say enough about her! GOD’S INFLUENCE!!!! The thing that made this shoot so amazing was how involved God was in it from the very beginning. Alexa had told me she had prayed about how to get the project going and knew I had to be a part of it. Together, we prayed about who to ask to be our models. Some women’s names came to our minds immediately. Others we had to pray to decide between a few options. But EVERY SINGLE decision was made with God’s direction and approval. The words the women picked were prayed about- some knew their word quickly. Others did quite the soul searching to find the PERFECT word for them and their story. The stories themselves – we prayed about them and the women did multiple drafts to make them perfect. Literally everything was done with God’s help!! It was such an amazing thing to have God’s hands so involved in this project. It would not have been as perfect or wonderful without His direction and love. The day of the shoot was SO AMAZING. We started and ended the shoot with prayer and even though I was SO ANXIOUS about the shoot- the whole thing went so smoothly!!! We had the perfect amount of time. I was able to find the light and get beautiful photos of every woman. And the overall feeling of the shoot was one of love and respect. I felt close to God the whole time I was there. I could feel His love for me, for these beautiful women, and for the project itself. It would not have been as amazing if it weren’t for God’s help, love, and guidance. THE MODELS!!! I cannot say enough good things about the models. These 12 strangers came together and created such a unique sisterhood filled with love and respect for one another. Alexa and I were blown away at it. We had no idea they would bond to the extent that they did. They all worked SO HARD on everything we asked them to do. Finding the perfect word for themselves, writing multiple drafts of their stories, finding the perfect outfit, and countless other things we asked them to do. They were so kind and patient with us as we made changes and figured how to move forward with the project. The day of the shoot I was so incredibly blown away at all of their beauty- both inside and out. I know most (if not all) were a little nervous about the shoot- but they faced those fears and ended up having an amazing time. Together we all laughed, cried, and grew in our self-love and gratitude. They made the shoot special. And even after it was over, they lifted each other by sharing one another’s stories and continuing that celebration. I am so grateful for their courage to share their hearts with the world. I’m grateful for their beautiful words and sweet spirits. I’m grateful for their smiles and influence. They are beautiful inside and out. They were meant to be a part of this project and they have forever changed me. I love them all dearly. ALL OF YOU- OUR READERS!!! Lastly, all of you have helped make this project a success!!! We were so excited to make a difference in the lives of these 12 women (although I think they made a bigger difference in mine). But we also wanted to share their stories and their beauty with the world to help others. We wanted to help others learn to love themselves and love those around them. Your kind words and support have been AMAZING!!! You have helped us reach so many more people than we could’ve ever done on our own. We are so appreciative of your support!!!! I came into this shoot planning on being a part of something that helped the world. But this project helped me. It increased my confidence in myself and my work as a photographer. I found myself relating to the women in one way or another and I could see pieces of myself in them. Their words touched my heart and soul. Their stories empowered and inspired me in more ways than I could ever say. I grew closer to God. I was kinder to myself and loved myself a little more. I found myself pondering on what my journey was. And I was filled with gratitude for my body, my story, my own beauty, and my own journey. I’m so grateful I was able to be a part of this special project. I hope it continues to help others, just as it has helped me. From Taylor Jay Photography: From the very beginning of the planning process for this photo shoot, this HUGE AND INSPIRED DREAM, we have wanted this to be a celebration. A CELEBRATION AND PROOF OF THE POWER AND MAGIC THAT HAPPENS WHEN WE LOVE THE SKIN WE HAVE BEEN GIVEN, WHEN WE TRULY, 100% LOVE WHO WE ARE AND ARE GRATEFUL TO BE JUST THAT. YOU, ME, US!! This project has changed me in so many wonderful, amazing and BEAUTIFUL ways.... I started this project with a dream a year and a half ago. I couldn’t shake this amazing idea I had in my head and every time I thought about it, the idea just got bigger, more detailed and MORE BEAUTIFUL. I knew this project was going to be BIG!! I knew I couldn’t do this project alone, I needed another photographer to help me refine my idea(s), to share this experience with and to shoot alongside me. I prayed to know who that was. Immediately Kelsey Bailey aka Kelsey Bailey Photography came to my mind, yep, that’s TOTALLY the right answer!! I messaged her the next day, and her enthusiasm and instant YES brought tears to my eyes. She felt and saw what I did for the project. We instantly got to work on it and let me tell you... it was A LOT OF WORK!! We prayed, fasted, pleaded with Heavenly Father for answers to all of our MANY questions over the months and months of preparation. We were lovingly lead to these 12 AMAZING women. It was SUCH a huge spiritual experience to be so lovingly guided, inspired and lead to these BEAUTIFUL ladies. Kelsey and I were a dream team!! Kelsey is SO inspired and in my opinion walks with God. She constantly had ideas on how to refine the photo shoot and even came up with it’s name CELEBRATION OF BEAUTY!! Through our hundreds, if not THOUSANDS of messages back and forth, there were SO MANY TIMES my jaw would just hit the floor or tears would start to stream down my face, because Kelsey had come up with an idea to brighten the shoot and make it that much more meaningful and inspirational. My friends, Kelsey is SOOOO TALENTED, SOOOO SMART and SOOOO IN TUNE WITH THE SPIRIT!!!! We started out with a pretty basic idea and together, Kelsey and I, we pushed the boundaries of the idea into what it is today!! What an incredible experience it was to work with her!! I’m truly forever grateful to have done this HUGE project with her beside me. We worked soooo well together!! AAAAND I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE TONS OF NEW PHOTOGRAPHY PROJECTS WE HAVE IN THE WORKS!!!! SOOOO MUCH TO COME FROM THE BOTH OF US!!!! This is only the beginning <3 <3 Be excited :):) In every single step of the process the Lord has been involved. Kelsey Bailey and I prayed and listened to the spirit, and then did what we were prompted and told to do. The entire process was an incredible spiritual experience start to finish!! I felt SO close to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I felt SO close to these AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, I felt the spirit talk with me and confirm Kelsey and I in our efforts constantly. This was truly a photo shoot and all around experience I will never forget!! Kelsey and I did this ENTIRE project out of pure love. We wanted to truly help these girls LOVE who they are and wanted to teach them to be PROUD of the skin they've been given. With SO MUCH HELP FROM THE LORD, with His hand in ours, I feel we together, healed hearts, minds and helped these 12 BEAUTIFUL women to see themselves not only as beautiful daughters of God, but to see themselves as more, SO SO MUCH MORE!! For beauty is not only skin deep!!! ALL TWELVE OF THESE WOMEN are not only BEAUTIFUL on the outside, that is a given :):), but they are BEAUTIFUL on the inside and have the most pure and loving hearts of anyone I know!! And now, with the help of the Lord, they believe it, THEY KNOW IT!! It was an HONOR to work with each and every one of these incredible and BEAUTIFUL women!! They have helped ME see myself in a different light, to look in the mirror and see myself, as Christee Schofield taught us, as Jesus Christ does. THAT is the most amazing thing to feel and SEE. To feel how proud He is of us, of ALL OF US!! To know, without a doubt, we were all made ON PURPOSE AND FOR A PURPOSE!!!! I want to personally thank ALL of our 12 BEAUTIFUL models for ALLLL their hard work, for their amazing attitudes, for their inspiration, for their bravery in telling their stories and being so bold as to share them with the world, for their BEAUTIFUL souls inside and out. You ALL have lifted me up, strengthened me and my testimony, you have truly inspired me, you have helped me to... see myself the way Jesus Christ does. To love myself more fully and without apology. To celebrate my own Unique-ness and become a Warrior for good. To speak more Gentle to myself, to listen more closely to the Spirit. To Believe in myself and talk more Positively to myself! To be Authentic, Fearless and Rise above those negative thoughts I might have about myself from time to time. To truly feel Strong and be Passionate about following the gospel. To know and believe what it truly is to feel Limitless!! THANK YOU Cassie Firth, Shaila Baker, Steffani Rowley, Karen Fullmer, Mindy Johnson, Christee Schofield, Lauralee Hill, Alexandra Scherzinger, Marcee Carlton, Kiri Martin, Kyla Cecil and Amanda Lundskog!! Thank you for all your time, your effort, your story, your kindness, your bravery, your courage, your willingness to do all the thousands of things we asked you to do, your love, your tenderness, your boldness, your spirit, your smile and for being so willing to share your own beauty, your own story, and your own God-given heart with us and the world!! What an incredible honor it was to meet you, get to know you, watch and experience the Lord changing you and your heart, watch the healing that took place in you, to photograph you and to become life-long friends with you!! It was an honor that YOU were apart of this project. YOU ARE ALLLLLLLLLLLL BEAUTIFUL!!!! The grand finale of our Celebration of Beauty photo shoot and throwing that color was a symbol. Throwing color was a symbol and a celebration of their beauty, their bravery, their stories and the journey they each individually took to get THERE!! A symbol of letting go of any and all insecurities we had and watching them disappear into the atmosphere. It was a symbol of freedom!! A symbol of happiness, of being excited to show who we truly are unapologetically!!!!!!
These 12 women, 12 strangers, came together uniting instantly, and became sisters in Zion. Rooting for each other, celebrating each other, inspiring each other to be better and constantly complimenting each other!! It was incredible to experience that feeling of instant sisterhood, to watch it unfold so effortlessly, so sincerely and so lovingly. It was what I KNOW heaven will be like!! That little piece of heaven on earth and this photo shoot, all encompassing, changed me. It changed me in a way that I can’t wait to see if that’s really what heaven is like or if we merely scratched the surface of what it will really feel and look like. But to me, that photo shoot, those 2 perfect hours of beauty, was heaven on earth. The world teaches us constantly that we are never ever enough. Just being you, is never enough. You will never be rich enough, pretty enough, loved enough, liked on Facebook/Instagram enough, skinny enough, bold enough, you will never be just enough. What total and complete BOGUS THAT IS!!!! We are ALL made in HIS IMAGE, and God does NOT make mistakes!! WE ARE NOT MISTAKES!! God made us, each of us, just the way we are ON PURPOSE AND FOR A PURPOSE!!!! And on our photo shoot, and through this ENTIRE process we CELEBRATED THAT!!!! Our hope is that YOU will be able to look inward and see yourself the way Christ does. To love yourself more fully and without apology. To celebrate your own Unique-ness and become a Warrior for good. To speak more Gentle to yourself, to listen more closely to the Spirit. To Believe in yourself and talk more Positively to yourself! To be Authentic, Fearless and Rise above those negative thoughts you might have about yourself. To truly feel Strong and be Passionate about following the gospel. To know and believe what it truly is to feel Limitless!!
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We ended the shoot with a HUGE celebration. We wanted the women participating to really and truly celebrate their sister but most importantly to celebrate themselves. Their beauty, their body, their story. This project was intended to empower those participating in it to recognize what made them beautiful..... To embrace their own beauty and journey. To embrace themselves and love the woman they had become. And then to inspire others to do the same. And so we celebrated!! You can feel the joy and the love in these photos. You can see it in their faces. It was such an amazing thing to witness. There were a few times I was choking back tears. 12 strangers came together and became sisters. These beautiful models lifted one another and celebrated their beauty. At the end of the celebration they lifted their hands towards Heaven and cried together “I AM BEAUTIFUL!!!”. The whole celebration brought tears to my eyes and gave me goosebumps. It was an amazing thing to watch and be a part of.
From Mindy: "The Celebration of Beauty project was an opportunity for me to consider where I've been and what I've achieved in the way I approach my life. It was a privilege!"
These beautiful women empowered me in more ways than I could ever say. Their stories touched my heart and I cried with them. Their smiles brought joy to my heart. And their sweet spirits empowered me to love myself a little more. I could see a little bit of myself in all of them and in all of their stories. I found myself relating to them and wanting to be more like them. This shoot would not have been as effective or beautiful without them. Every single woman brought something beautiful with her... something the shoot desperately needed. And celebrating their beauty was an emotional, spiritual and breathtaking moment. I hope their stories have helped you like they have helped me. I hope as you look through these photos, you feel the joy and the love they have for themselves and for each other. I hope it inspires you to look inward.... to be kind to yourself.... to love yourself.... to celebrate what makes you beautiful. And to lift those around you. We are Spirited We Choose to be Believing We Choose to be Positive We are Authentic We are Gentle We are Warriors We are Fearless We are Unique We are Passionate We Rise We are Strong We are Limitless WE ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!!! We don’t want this project to stop with us.
We would love to know what empowering, inspiring word you would choose for yourself and why? What is it about yourself that you love? What does God love about you? What makes you beautiful? My struggles with self worth began when I was ten; my fifth grade teacher pulled me into a parent teacher conference with my mom and called me stupid. It was the first time someone had truly made me feel smaller than I deserved. In middle school I was the target of emotional, mental and even some physical bullying. I lost trust in the people around me. I closed myself off to people who appeared to have an interest in me. I didn't know how to talk about any of this with the people who loved me most: my family. I struggled with school work because I fell into a vicious cycle of believing that if I messed up once I would never be able to catch up. I found a temporary reprieve from the depression I was feeling in food, which unfortunately brought more trials than actual relief. At my lowest point: no friends, no family support, overweight and depressed, I had thoughts of what life would be like if I just no longer existed. Would anyone really miss me, or even care a little? I had a nightmare about dying and no one, not even my family, noticing I was gone. When I woke up I began to cry because I knew that my family loved me and of course they would miss me and mourn me if I died. That nightmare helped me see for the first time that I was more than my fears. I knew in that moment that I was important and people would miss me very much; I once again felt as though I had some worth. Even though I still struggled for several years with how I felt around other people, I was moving forward. In my senior year of high school I stopped caring about what other people thought of me and just enjoyed being myself. When I graduated, I had no plans for college so I found a job and tried to start making friends. My sister invited me to an activity with her church friends that eventually lead to my baptism in the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints when I was nineteen. I still struggle sometimes but I know that I am so much more than I ever imagined. I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father. I am brave and beautiful with a strength that is deeper than I know and a capacity to love more than I can comprehend. I cannot be defined or defeated by the limits others try to place on me. I refuse to be limited by my fears, my insecurities, and my doubts. My capacity for growth is endless and I am LIMITLESS!
I am a planner. I like lists, and schedules, and knowing what is coming next. However, life rarely goes according to plan. I met the man I would soon call my everything on a blind date in April 2014. April 1st to be exact. We planned that he would pick me up at my parents’ home and I vividly remember telling my mother, “This was a terrible idea! Nothing good will ever come from a blind date on April Fools Day!” I couldn’t have been more wrong. A quick five months later and we were sealed for time and eternity in the Mount Timpanogos Utah Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I couldn’t have understood then where I would be now, but I am so grateful for that blessing of time AND eternity. The two years that followed our union were wonderful, messy, challenging, and beautiful. Our life wasn’t perfect, we faced hard situations, but we always faced them together. But January 24, 2017 was easily the worst day of my life. As my alarm went off early that Tuesday morning, I got up quickly to avoid waking my love in the bed beside me. I showered and began preparing for another day of work. As I was about to brush my teeth, a very clear voice that did not belong to me, whispered, “it’s too quiet.” To say that my sweet husband had a bit of a snoring problem would be an understatement. His snoring was a source of laughter in our home, and surprise to our families when I confirmed that I did indeed sleep through that noise. But on that crisp Tuesday morning Danien was silent. My heart dropped to my stomach as I walked quietly into our bedroom to check on him. Praying I was mistaken, that nothing was wrong, I lightly placed two fingers on his wrist - and felt nothing. Dread filling my heart, I shook his shoulder to try and wake him, hoping I had somehow missed his pulse, and still – nothing. The following call to 911 and the kind first responders all seemed to be moving in painfully slow motion. They wouldn’t ever be able to save him if they didn’t move faster! But I knew in my heart, my Danien was gone and life as I knew it was over. The days and weeks that followed passed in a fog. Slowly things came into focus and I attempted to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I had good days and many more bad ones. I struggled to understand life without him and carried a crushing guilt that I couldn’t save him. I withdrew. I stopped returning phone calls and wouldn’t even look at my phone for days. I stopped taking care of myself as even the most basic of tasks felt like climbing Everest. Then came the anger. Anger with the world for continuing to turn. Anger with strangers for going to work like nothing had happened. Anger that time kept marching on. Anger that there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t change my circumstances, I couldn’t bring Danien back, I couldn’t even squash the anger in my heart. I felt like I was losing my mind. Feeling the entire spectrum of emotion at the same time. My saving grace was a white-knuckle grip on the promise of eternity, and an amazing group of family and friends who didn’t give up on me. They understood that I needed room to grieve, but they wouldn’t let me do it alone. They kept calling and texting, even though I rarely responded. They cried with me, laughed with me, told me stories and sent pictures I had never seen before. They kept him close. In the blink of an eye it was January 24, 2018. It was the longest and shortest year I’ve ever experienced. I had planned that day to deliver a ‘Thank You’ treat to the firehouse that answered the call on my worst day, but all that changed with the simple ding of a new text message. It was bad news. My amazing Mother-in-law was losing her long-time battle with breast cancer. She had been admitted to the ICU and the doctors advised it was time to say our goodbyes. I crumpled to the floor, thoughts swirled through my head as I sobbed in my Mother’s arms. Not again. Not today. Hasn’t this family been through enough? Haven’t we lost enough? We can’t lose her too. As we made the hour-long drive to the hospital to meet the rest of the family, my heart broke into even more pieces than I knew were possible. But as I held her hand, kissed her cheek, and had my last conversation with her, it all clicked into place. I suddenly understood. Danien went to prepare the way for her, I knew he was there, and he had come to take her home. It was all part of the plan. The mixture of understanding, heartbreak, and gratitude overwhelmed me. Since those days, I’ve felt like only part of a person. Just a shell walking around while my heart has been ripped from my chest. I was the tin man. I’ve struggled with my self-esteem, believing that I’m too broken to be loved again and that the blessing of the family I’ve so desperately wanted has been withdrawn from me. I’m disappointed in the way I’ve let myself go, embarrassed to look in the mirror, and frequently have thoughts that no one will want me like this. While I’m still working on the perception of my physical body, I’m learning to love the person I’m becoming on the inside. Since I’ve experienced such deep loss, I’ve grown more understanding and become more compassionate to those around me. I better understand what it means to mourn with those that mourn in a way that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I’ve found my inner strength and am learning to embrace my experience for making me who I am today.
A Little Something From Kelsey Bailey Photography:
Oh my goodness I love this girl!!! Strong is the PERFECT word for her. When I read her story I just bawled. And when I met her at the shoot I was amazed at her optimism, gratitude and strength of character. Not to mention she is breathtakingly beautiful!! The day of the shoot was her birthday and she still came and was a part of our project!!! We appreciate her so much and we were so excited to be able to celebrate her birthday with her. She is so incredibly amazing and I felt like I connected with her immediately. She has this warmth about her that just draws you in. I'm so grateful I got to know her!!! Her story (as I said) made me bawl. I felt her heartache and strength. I felt how close she was to her Father in Heaven and her Savior. It reminds me that if I rely on the Lord, especially in difficult times, that He can make me strong- just like He has made Kiri strong. I love this girl so much and am so grateful she shared her beautiful story with us!! She is beautiful inside and out. There have been so many times in my life when I have felt so alone and scared to reach out to anyone. Anytime I got close to someone, it seemed that they were taken away from me. As I was getting into my teen years, my Mom shifted her priorities. She focused on the men she was dating and made them the priority in her life. We used to do everything together and I felt like all of a sudden she didn't want to be with me. This made me feel like I wasn't good enough for her and it had a huge impact on my self-esteem! She ended up getting married and left us at home with our Nana and Grandpa so she could go live with her new husband and his parents. She didn’t come visit much so I knew my relationship with her was gone. It was hard for me but I was fortunate that I had Nana to be my role model. However, during my senior year of high school, my Nana was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease). I was able to help take care of her until she passed away one month before my high school graduation. This hit me extremely hard as she was my one and only confidant and now I had no one. No one to share my worries with. No one to tell my successes to. No one. I felt so lost and alone. I had never felt so far away from my Heavenly Father as I did during that time in my life. I stopped going to church with the exception of Sacrament. Heavenly Father knew what I needed and it was a calling to teach Primary (an organization that teaches children in the church). That calling alone brought me back to church! In the year after Nana passed away, I started to rebuild my relationship with my Mom. This was halted when she suddenly passed away, only one year after Nana. After this happened, I struggled to get close to anyone. I worried that if I got close to them, they would be taken away. I was so scared! When I was dating, it was hard to share my feelings and desires. It took my third boyfriend, who then became my husband, for me to get close to someone and to start loving myself again. It was years of hard work before I was able to fully open up, let him in and embrace myself. He was so patient and kind with me. He never pushed me to do what I wasn’t comfortable with. I feel that Heavenly Father knew what He was doing when he gave me my husband! My life has been blessed in more ways than I can count! We were blessed with a beautiful daughter who has a few special needs that keep us on our toes at times. Some days I feel overwhelmed… like I just can’t do it anymore. But with Heavenly Fathers help, I know I can keep going, knowing that tomorrow is a new day! About two and a half years ago, I suffered a miscarriage. We had struggled to get pregnant for three and a half years only to lose our baby at fifteen weeks. It was a loss that I really struggled with. I couldn’t understand why it took so long to get our baby boy just to lose him without any answers... I learned that Heavenly Father had a different plan for him than we did. I just had to trust in the Lord and know that He has a plan for us all! I knew that even though I was struggling, I still needed to be present in the lives of my husband and daughter as well as fulfilling my calling in the Primary at church.
A little something from Kelsey Bailey Photography:
I have known Marcee for 6 years now. But I never knew the depth of her struggles until I read her story. She is so amazing!!! She truly just loves God. She is so crazy beautiful and so kind and loving. She is always offering her help to others, even in moments when she is struggling with something. She has such a big heart and she is just incredible!!! I LOVE Marcee's word. It is so incredibly inspiring to me. And I love her story that goes with it. She is such a strong woman. She really does RISE from all that comes her way. She inspires me to do the same. It literally gives me goosebumps and makes me cry. I just love Marcee and I'm so grateful she was a part of this project! She worked so hard on finding the perfect word and writing her story... and it definitely paid off!!! It is all so beautiful and inspiring! This project would NOT be as wonderful without her! No matter what difficulty I am facing I know that, like Marcee, I can RISE from it all if I turn to God and trust in Him. For as long as I can remember I have struggled with self esteem and body image issues. I remember when I was a little kid thinking that my belly was big and that thought alone made me self conscious. No kid should ever feel like they’re ugly or that they aren’t good enough and yet I did. I experienced some bullying in middle school which only added fuel to the fire and reiterated the fact that I wasn’t good enough and that I was “unimportant”. In high school my self esteem issues only got worse. I was in show choir and had a great group of friends, but I never felt like I could truly be myself. I mentally built a wall to hide behind because I never felt pretty or “skinny”. I tried to never draw attention to myself because then people would see me and see all my flaws. I was always self conscious of how I looked. I didn’t date much and I was never confident in myself. I thought for sure the guys who asked me out were just doing it as a joke and not because they liked me. I never thought I would get married and that I would be alone for the rest of my life... But then, I met my forever husband before my senior year of high school and he proposed the summer after I graduated! We were married one month after he proposed and we have been married for ten wonderful years! During those ten years, we have had three amazing and beautiful kids! Though I love my kids and the journey my body went through to bring them into this world, I still find myself hating the way I look. I still have not lost every single pound of the baby weight. Though that is not without effort. I hate dieting and I try and fail most times to make exercise a habit. I found myself constantly comparing myself to other moms. Especially the ones who seem to magically go back to their pre-baby bodies right after birth. Getting on social media was so damaging to my confidence because I was never as good or as pretty as the other moms I saw. There would be times when I realized I would never love the way I look and I would just exhaust myself with caring too much. So I would stop caring. Those times are the unhealthiest and the darkest for me. I would have suicidal thoughts and think everybody would be better off if I were gone. I remember crying on the floor once thinking about how alone and unloved I was. December of last year and again this past April, I had a miscarriage. That experience pained me to my core. I went through another phase of deep, dark depression. I felt unworthy, like I was doing something wrong and that it was all my fault. I didn’t want to but I felt like I should talk to someone. I just had no idea who I would call. Then I realized who the best person was that I could talk to. Someone who is always listening, someone who knows exactly what we are going through all the time, someone who is there with us every step of the way, MY HEAVENLY FATHER. I knelt down and prayed. I instantly felt lighter and comforted. I felt the love My Savior has for me. I knew that if I ever felt unloved, ugly, and alone, I can always count on Him to lift me up! We are all beautiful through His eyes no matter our circumstances, what we feel about ourselves, or how we look, we are always precious to Him! Without my family, I would not have pulled through! But most importantly, without My Savior, I would have been lost! I chose the word PASSIONATE because I feel such an intense passion for things. If I love or care about something, it takes a lot to get me to forget about it. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and feel things deeply. I sometimes make decisions based on my emotions. I love things strongly and sometimes I dislike things strongly. Since my miscarriage I have found an even greater passion for the things that I have been blessed with. I have become PASSIONATE about taking care of my body the right way. I try to make healthier choices and I try my best to get to the gym often. Not because I sometimes feel like I should be skinnier but because I want to treat my body the way Heavenly Father wants our bodies to be treated, like temples. For me that doesn’t just mean eating healthier and exercising, but also being nicer and more thankful for my body. I have made a conscious decision to love and take care of my body. Sometimes it is a daily decision and a daily struggle. But I am always grateful for all that I have. I am grateful for my body and the things it has accomplished. We are all beautiful and we are all important! From Kelsey Bailey Photography:
Oh my heck!!! I love this girl! I only met her at the shoot but I felt like we instantly bonded. She is so incredibly beautiful and has such a beautiful soul! Her passion is contagious. I could feel my own passion for what we were doing and how I felt about myself growing. And she has such a killer smile!!! She has a talent of just drawing people in. There was this loving gravity about her that would pull me and the other girls in around her. She is just so sweet and wonderful to be around. I seriously loved spending time with this beautiful woman!!! And I LOVE her story!!! I love the idea of becoming passionate about your body: seeing it how God does and striving to take care of it. I also love that she talked about how taking care of ourselves isn't just in the physical sense. The thoughts we think about ourselves makes a difference. Because of Kyla's beautiful story I am striving to be more passionate about myself and thankful for my body and all of its capabilities!!! My whole life I have struggled with comparing myself to others. With two older sisters, I often felt second best. In high school I fell in love with theater and would always dream of getting the lead. But the roles I wanted were always given to girls I saw as better than myself: thinner, prettier, better singers/dancers... In college I felt I had found my calling when I discovered I also loved working behind the scenes with makeup, hair and costumes. So I decided to pursue design. However, there always seemed to be a fellow student who knew more, had an ability I lacked, or was just simply more skilled than me. More often than not, I would allow this to make me feel less than. I would get down on myself and wonder why I was pursuing this stuff in the first place
From Kelsey Bailey Photography:
I have known Cassie since we were babies. Literally!!! I adore this woman so much!!! She is so kind and considerate of others. And I love her laugh!! She has one of those laughs that just makes you so happy! You can't help but laugh yourself! She is so incredibly talented and crazy beautiful! She always brings me so much joy when I am around her. She has a way of filling the room with love and laughter... it is probably my favorite thing about her. I was so happy she was a part of this amazing shoot! And I love her story so much! So often I compare myself to others and am hard on myself for not being more like other people I admire. Cassie's story reminds me to celebrate and embrace what makes me unique! That's the best way to make a difference in my own life... in the life of my loved ones... and in the world! Her story reminds me to recognize the parts about me that make me beautiful and wonderful. I can love what makes me unique, just like Cassie!!!
As I started focusing on me, and what I wanted, I knew I needed to leave him… I needed to get away and figure out who I was. I moved to China for five AMAZING months and taught English. I wasn’t fully involved with my church at the time, but had some random urge to read the Book of Mormon - cover to cover. So to make it interesting, my roommate and I started a race. Winner bought the other dumplings! It was at this time that I was reading in 1st Nephi. We read about the revelation given to Nephi to go and build a ship. He did this so that his family could receive what was called the Promised Land. His brothers didn’t support him in this effort. In fact, they were still complaining about how they had to just up and leave their luxurious lifestyle! After eliminating this boy from my life, my life didn’t magically get better. I was living in a foreign country, literally LIVING THE DREAM and was still finding myself unhappy. It was hard and I knew that there were things that I had to change. On top of that, I felt alone. I truly felt unlovable and discouraged. I’m sure that Nephi felt some of those same exact emotions. As I continued to compare myself to Nephi, what stuck out to me the most wasn’t that Nephi and I were scared, or that we were wandering from place to place hoping that we were going in the right direction... rather, Nephi didn’t care what others thought he could accomplish. All that mattered was that God said he could, so he did! And guess what, HE GOT HIS PROMISED LAND AND I HAVE FAITH THAT SOME DAY, SO WILL I! I will forever be grateful for the hope I felt as I started to make those connections. That was the moment that I decided to serve a full time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. While serving my mission one of the biggest takeaways I learned was from the Bible. In Matthew we are introduced to the second greatest commandment which is to “ Love thy neighbor AS THYSELF”. (Matthew 22:39) This struck me hard. And sometimes still does. I can be my worst enemy, and harshest judge. When I first began to understand this, I was taken back with a bit of guilt. I thought, “I would never in a million years treat someone else the way treat myself. So why do I?” As I thought more and more about that I began to think, “How could God love such an imperfect person?” Well, God loves ALL of His creations, so that would include me!
"A Warrior fights off demons. I am a Warrior. At thirty-eight years old I have fought so many different demons finding my way through life. At one point I felt that fighting alongside the demons was in my best interest. Boy was I wrong! I was led to believe that the pain and suffering I inflicted upon myself was healthy. It wasn’t until I fought daily to wash the demons out of my life, by getting sober through recovery, that I was able to find the church. Through conversion I was able to find peace in my heart and was no longer running from the ugly that was holding me down. I am an Addict with a list of addictions. I still fight the good fight against addiction daily, but I have been winning for many years now! The day I decided to ask for help from the Relief Society Presidency (a group of women at church) was the day that changed my life forever! Those sisters made me feel welcomed and accepted. They never judged me and treated me as an equal. I found my best self when I was in the service of others. I was able to be the Mom my sons needed, aided in getting my spouse back to church after many years of inactivity and blessed with another one of Heavenly Father’s children to care for. I now fight to keep being a good example to my boys and pray they will never have to walk the same path I have walked. A little something from Kelsey Bailey Photography:
Shaila is so amazing! Her strength and courage just amazes and inspires me. She is so strong and beautiful!!! I know she was supposed to be a part of this project! I was so excited when she said yes!!! She has this sweetness about her and you can't help but just love her! Everything we asked her to do she did with enthusiasm and love and I really appreciated it! She really helped make this project special. She is so strong and her word fits her perfectly. She truly is a warrior!! Her story is so beautiful. She has done amazing things for herself and for her family. She fights daily to keep the wonderful life she has built. She really is a warrior and I am so grateful I know her. She inspires me to fight against adversity in my own life and gives me hope for my loved ones that are struggling with their own addictions. She is a warrior- and I can be one just like her!
I love quirky, imperfect people. When someone trusts me enough to share an imperfection or idiosyncrasy, I feel honored. My inner compassion races out to embrace and lift them. The connection between us is deepened. And I love them. But I wasn’t always as kind to myself. There used to be two of me. The first “me” was the person I showed to the world at large, including many of my friends and some of my family. This “me” cleaned up frantically when someone was coming over, ate less when someone was watching, and shared selectively the pieces and parts of my life that I felt were respect-worthy. The second “me” was the person I thought I really was – the person who had gone more than a year without making her bed, who had invited people to dinner and forgotten to show up (twice!), who had struggled with mental illness and sometimes forgot to take her medication, who had scheduled a huge move on her husband’s exact birthday more than once, who had not felt comfortable putting on a pair of shorts since 1987, who had repeatedly overdrawn a checking account, and who had lost her patience with her children on more than one occasion. Generally, this “me” wasn’t allowed to come out and make conversation without the careful placing of strategic filters, blinders, and screens. My patient family, a remarkable group of inspired Relief Society sisters (a group of church women), and my Savior taught me that my true self – the real me - is a wonderful, mixed-up, messy conglomeration of good and not so good components, qualities and experiences. I learned that allowing all of those parts of me to speak, share and show is a blessing to myself and to others. A catalyst for growth. Because I felt safe I was able to begin to share parts of myself that were less than perfect and gradually, I began to see the more complete, quirky, imperfect and delightful me who has always been present! I started to see a committed parent who never remembers the tissues but cries anyway (and sometimes it’s ugly crying) every time she attends school music concerts or dance recitals; a caring stranger who is late to a commitment because she gave up her place at the front of the line at the DMV to a young mother with little children and went to the back to start again; an imperfect early bird mother who regularly wills her eyelids to remain open in order to stay up late talking with her sixteen-year-old night owl; a neighbor, who (with her husband) provided a cell phone, a listening ear, and other important support for a young woman who wasn’t related to us; an unorganized friend who is often searching for her keys or her phone or her glasses but usually finds time to set her own interests aside to talk deeply with a child who needs to know that someone cares. My Savior continues to show me, through the hands and hearts of my Relief Society sisters and my family, that He loves all the pieces of me and that He can work with me and through me – even the imperfect parts of me - to bless others. My Savior is showing me that He really can make weak things and weak people – strong. And when His process to refine me is lengthy, it’s okay to just be me; the real me, the whole me and look toward Him with faith in what He will be able to make of the future me. Because of my family, my Relief Society sisters and, most especially, my Savior, I am learning to be truly… AUTHENTIC! A Little Something From Kelsey Bailey Photography:
I have known Lauralee for about 13 years and I absolutely LOVE this woman!!! She has a special place in my heart. When we were praying about our models- Lauralee's name immediately came to my mind. But I had no idea about the struggle she had experienced until I read her story. To me, Lauralee has always just radiated beauty. I have never met anyone that loves with such sincerity. There is nothing fake about her. She genuinely loves everyone she meets and she has such a talent of making you feel important, valued and well.... LOVED! She has truly developed a Christ-like love and I have admired her for years! She is so, so beautiful inside and out. She was nervous about doing this shoot (as I'm sure many of our models were) but I am so happy she was courageous enough to take part in it. Her love for all those involved in this project truly helped everyone feel beautiful. I hope she does the same for you! Her story has touched my heart so deeply. I have cried a few times reading it. I'm definitely too hard on myself. I expect myself to be perfect, especially when it comes to being a mother. And since I am far from perfect, I often pray for help with tears of frustration. Her story reminds me that the journey to who I want to be will be long- but my Savior will help me get there. And in the meantime it is okay to be me. It is okay to be learning. It's okay to be Authentic!
After years of struggling with these thoughts, I fell on my knees and pleaded with my Father in Heaven to see myself as the daughter of God I truly was. Immediately I felt arms around me and for the first time I felt the love my Father in heaven had for me. I cried tears of joy!
"When I was seven or eight years old, I was molested by my adopted brother\blood cousin. Because of this I was very timid in setting boundaries for healthy relationships when I started dating around eighteen years old. My world turned upside down when I was date raped. Now with even more feelings of being unworthy and having new baggage of being an unwed single mom, I married into an unhealthy, abusive relationship because I didn't feel I could be loved or accepted by anyone. So the first person to accept me with all my baggage, I clung onto dearly. I quickly found out, within the first three weeks of our marriage, that the relationship was toxic. I came to an all time low in my life with a deep depression and not loving who I had become or how I had gotten there. I prayed a lot and continued to go to church, but didn't know how to change my situation... But the Lord provided a way for me to grow and learn more about myself in a step by step way, by giving me a chance to go to school for a subject that would help me understand myself, my situation, and challenges to overcome. Psychology. Being in school gave me the chance to gain confidence in myself and to see myself as a smart and capable person. Even though I had four young children, I was able to keep good grades and keep the house under control and organized! However, the abuse in my marriage continued to get worse… but thankfully the Lord gave my husband a job out of state. This gave us distance, and gave me a chance to learn about my true self and capabilities without having negative talk thrown at me daily. I pursued personal counseling through LDS Family Services set up by my bishop, to better my life further. I needed help to train myself to quit the bad self-talk I had done for such a long time and learn to finally forgive myself for things that were not my fault, and to love myself despite my faults. I started to lose weight for myself, and knew that I was worth loving. It took me almost a year of the Lord guiding me step by step and with self-love training, and help from my counselors to get out of the relationship safely. The divorce was brutal, but the Lord blessed me with a strong support system through my friends, my family, and moving me back to my home-town where I was able to start over fresh. We only had one bag of clothes and a box of toys, nothing more. But in all this the Lord did not leave me and my kids stranded. I found a basement apartment and we moved in in just a few days. People I didn't know in my new ward (congregation) and in the community donated supplies, furniture, kitchen items, food, etc. Everything needed for a home was given within a few days time. I hadn’t even gotten a new job yet, but we were taken care of completely! I was in awe! These angels that were guided by the Lord touched me so much with all their love they showed us! This was another testament that I knew I had done the right thing, even though it was so hard to leave and separate my family again. Slowly I started going to church again with loving friends and neighbors. I changed my schedule at my job so that I could have more opportunities to go to church instead of working all weekend. I also went to the Single’s Ward activities and dances with these friends. I eventually turned to the Atonement again, and to find out who I was through God’s eyes. Once I saw that, I was able to love myself again. I read the scriptures, which helped a ton for me to get in touch with the spirit. I had to start all over to let the love of Christ into my heart and to let him heal it COMPLETELY! I was going to school again. This time for Paralegal. Eventually I started seeing myself through different eyes. I wanted to be the person the Lord had in mind for me. I followed His promptings for me easier. I was no longer angry at the church, nor with God. I was finally at peace and full of love. I was not truly happy until I went back to church regularly and I started living the commandments the right way. The only way to true happiness and freedom is to live a guiltless life. To reach for success and eternal life. To reach higher! And not to be satisfied with just mediocre. I wasn't happy until I realized that! When I finally let go, the man that had been my friend for one and a half years, was now able to have my heart. He was there all along. My husband now. He had a goal, and he kept his eye on it. I feel like he waited for me, the Lord molded him for me! My husband is my rock! He is so patient with me. He is a wonderful Dad and example to my children! I was blessed with a miracle baby with this wonderful man and we have an amazing life! I LOVE our family! I am active in the gospel and love God in all I do. I know I have much more to improve, but I'm at a better place today than I was three years ago! And that is a huge success! I have goals, and I know I can achieve them with Heavenly Father’s help and with my husband by my side.
A Little Something From Kelsey Bailey Photography:
I loved spending time with Karen!!! She is so sweet and kind! And she was so much fun to be around!!! She had a smile on her face the whole time we were there and her positive attitude was contagious!!!! She made it so easy to be her friend even though I had just met her that day!!! She was so welcoming and loving to everyone there. You can tell she just brings joy to everything she does and I was so happy she brought some joy with her to the shoot!!! It made a huge impact on the overall feel of the shoot! She was truly a light and I am so grateful I got to meet her and have her be a part of this project. Her story cut deep in my heart and I was so inspired by her strength. I was amazed she could have such joy and be such a light despite everything she has had to endure. Her story has inspired me and helped me love myself even more!!!! It has reminded me how important my relationship with God is. I hope it does the same for you! Karen is Spirited and I can be too!!!! In May of 2019 I was approached by Alexa Ogilvie, owner of Taylor Jay Photography. She has been my friend and mentor for many years and has helped me grow my business and my talent into what it is today!!! She is so, so talented and I have been so grateful for her help, support, and friendship! Alexa had an AMAZING idea for a project.... and she wanted me to be a part of it!! I couldn't say yes fast enough!!!! She wanted to do a project that would inspire women to love themselves and their bodies. We called it: Celebration of Beauty. Together we prayed about who we should ask to be our models for this very special project. With direction from God we ended up with 12 beautiful women. We worked for MONTHS preparing for this shoot. We asked the women to come up with one word that best described themselves. Through prayer and searching, each woman found the PERFECT word. This word we printed on a white shirt of their choosing. We also asked them to write a personal story about why they chose that word and to show their journey to self-love and self-acceptance. We asked the women to bring one article of clothing to the shoot that they LOVED. It was so fun seeing everyone's individuality!!! It was AMAZING to watch these women bond. 12 strangers came together and became friends. They supported one another and truly celebrated every single woman. It was so inspiring and beautiful to watch. This shoot would not have been as magical and special if it weren't for their sweet spirits. They truly embraced celebrating one another. Alexa and I also chose words for ourselves and wore shirts to the shoot with our word on it. We wanted to be a part of the celebration and not just the ones documenting it. :) The word I picked was UPLIFTING. Lifting others is a gift God has given me....and it isn't a gift I have always loved. I sometimes struggled with the idea that God wanted me to help others when I was struggling with a trial myself. But I have learned that as I lift others (especially when I am struggling) the Lord lifts me. I find strength and solace through service and lifting those around me. I have learned to embrace my gift just as I have learned to embrace myself! Photo credit for the 2 photos above goes to the talented Taylor Jay Photography! I seriously ADORE this girl!!! Over the next several weeks Alexa and I will be spot-lighting each of these beautiful and inspiring women on our blogs. You will be able to read their tender stories and see the beauty that God has given them. They have all worked so hard on their stories and we are incredibly grateful they chose to be a part of this special project. It is hard to put your personal journey out there.... but these courageous women have chosen to do so with the hope that it will inspire women everywhere to love themselves and to feel the love God has for them. I CANNOT WAIT for you to read their beautiful stories and be inspired by their amazing spirits. I witnessed these GORGEOUS women come together, support each other and celebrate what makes them beautiful. I hope and pray it inspires you to celebrate your own beauty.... your own body.... your own story. We were blessed to have Shaun Schofield, owner of Doze Videos, come to the shoot and make an AMAZING video which is posted below. You may want to keep tissues handy because it is seriously so beautiful!!! I cry almost every time! Let's celebrate, lift and love each other! WE ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!! Taylor Jay Photography can be found on Facebook. She also has her own website: taylorjayphoto.weebly.com Please check out her blog of this project as well. This was a collaboration between the 2 of us and I would love for you to see her beautiful work!!! There is a reason she has been my mentor all of these years. ;) Doze Videos can be found on Youtube and Facebook. He is seriously so talented!!! I LOVE our video!!! |
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